I know all my children love me. I thought the four-year old loved me the most. This is possibly not actually the case.
On Saturday afternoon, I escaped to my bed for a nap. The husband had been away all week, I was tired. Circumstance allowed for the perfect nap scenario. I was cocooned in a bed all alone and was asleep shortly after lying there and really appreciating the quiet and space. Roughly 8 minutes later
“Mammy, mammmmmmmm, mama, mama, mom, MAMMY, MOMMY” I could hear it in my sleep, an urgent whisper getting louder and louder. Then I felt my eyelids being physically prized open.
She excels at the extreme close up.
“mmmmuugggh” I replied
“Can we go to town tomorrow?” she asked, not the most urgent question but she is wise and she knows the right time to make requests. This is why she thinks she is getting a kitten for her birthday. A grey one, apparently.
“Ok” I whispered desperately trying to get back to the perfect nap.
“Mammy, mammmmmmmm, mama, mama, mom, MAMMY, MOMMY“
I was awake.
“Stop doing that” she demanded
“This” she replied and inhaled and exhaled
“Breathing?” I asked
“Yes, stop breathing. I don’t like it”
The nap was disappearing rapidly.
“IF I STOP BREATHING I WILL DIE“
“IF I DIE YOU WONT HAVE A MAMMY ANYMORE”
Admittedly this wasn’t very nice of me but it was the perfect nap that was being destroyed.
“But Daddy would just get a new wife and she would be my mammy” She explained like I was the small child and bounced off the bed.
I rolled over desperately trying to resume the nap.
90 seconds later, her face appeared again.
“Mammy, mammmmmmmm, mama, mama, mom, MAMMY, MOMMY”
“YOU KNOW I’M ALL ABOUT THAT BASS, IT’S NO TROUBLE” complete with finger-pointing.
Grand. She went. I lay there thinking about the husbands new wife, would she love the kids?What would she look like? I imagined all the scenarios how I would die, fought off the anxiety, fell back into another restless non perfect nap and got up again.
She did assure me later that evening when I was clearly breathing in a more acceptable fashion that she really really loved me and that I was her favourite . No doubt in her head she added on a “for now“.