- Stockings should be left out for Santa downstairs, not at the foot of the bed.
- My daughter can do a remarkable Meercat impression as proven at 10pm, 11,pm, 1.14am, 2am, 2.22am, 3.04am, 3.15am, 4.o5am whilst waiting for Santa and her beaming face kept popping out of bed.
- Turkey two days in a row is a day too far.
- Brussel Sprouts should be eradicated.
- Reindeer Food does not sweep up easily from the driveway.
- Christmas television is even more dire than normal television.
- Lego goes missing as soon as you open the box. You will find it only by standing on it at a later stage.
- No matter how prepared you are, you will never have the correct size battery for every toy.
- Santa gifts get smaller in size as your child gets older. There is no need to over compensate. Please remind me of this next year.
- Just because a child stays up later at night, does not mean they will sleep later in the morning, it just means they will resemble a demon the following day.
- If you tickle a recently toilet trained child too much, they will pee on you.
- Toys come with too much packaging.
- You should be able to forget about the environment for a few hours to light fires in your garden to burn said packaging.
- Some of Barbie’s clothes would be more suited to a prostitute.
- Moxie Girl outfits would make a prostitute blush.
- Sometimes the box that houses the toy will be more appealing than the toy.
- Sometimes despite several hundred euro worth of new toys in the house, an argument will break out over whose turn it is to play with the five-year old etch a sketch that only half works.
- Love Actually is an incredibly smug in places but it essential Christmas viewing.
- Willy Wonka gets darker the more times you watch it as an adult.
- You cannot stop eating crackers and cheese until there is none left in the house.
- By the third day of wearing pj’s/trakkie bottoms/anything with an elasticated waist it doesn’t even feel wrong anymore, you embrace it.
- Custard is really hard to get out of a child’s hair.
- Top Trumps is a really really really long game.
- Teaching a child to roller skate is a lot more difficult than you would imagine.
- One Direction have a remarkable marketing team.
- I don’t get Skylanders.
- Jigsaw’s with more than 12 pieces are beyond me.
- Buying cream dresses and tights for my daughters to wear on Christmas Day was stupid. Small children can not be expected to keep cream coloured clothes clean for longer than 38 seconds.
- I can fake laugh at being retold the same Christmas cracker joke 43 times.
- It is a complete waste of time expecting a small child not to touch a brightly coloured Christmas tree.
- My four year old believed the line “you better be good for fucks sake” is in Bruce Springsteen’s version of Santa Claus Is Coming To Town. It isn’t. Thank god he had no solo singing part in his junior infant nativity play.
- Hiding selection boxes the kids got from other people so I can eat them when they are in bed is saving me a lot of money in pediatric dental fees.
- Picnic bars have no business being included in a Cadbury’s selection box.
- There is nothing more magical than Christmas with small children.
Oh stop, I am laughing my ass off! I can relate to most of this and mostly I can relate to liberating selection boxes from children who did not need so much chocolate choice.
Ah, that was lovely. Especially the bit about the recently toilet-trained child peeing on you.
Loved this! Also, be forewarned that wearing pj’s all holiday break generally results in not being able to squeeze back into work clothes when the break is over… Excuse me now, I have to go buy some new clothes for work!
I’ve become really good at hiding when the son wants to play Skylanders with me… lol In my defense, though… he’s bossy and doesn’t let me pick up any of the money or gems….
Hilarious! I can’t stop laughing. Oh the mental images!
Hehe excellent, I am SO guilty of the selection box trick!!
I remember my Mum throwing handfuls of awful toffees in the fire one year when all 4 kids had been given a huge piggy-bank full of the things. Our youngest is twenty one, so we are past all the toy dramas.