Think back to your childhood, what did the sight of this make you do?
Or sometimes you didn’t need to see it, just the mention of the “wooden spoon” would make you stop misbehaving or at least consider stop misbehaving when you were a child. True? I should point out I was never hit as a child, not even a tap with the wooden spoon. But it would be mentioned. My friends mother, in particular, was a big fan.
Fast forward 25-30 years to tonight. It was one of those evenings. I was tired and hungry and the house was a mess. The kids were not tired at all and making the mess. I put them to bed. They got up. I put them to bed again and went downstairs to make my dinner. All three arrived down the stairs separately and many times, like the clever well thought out triple tag team that they are, their mission on nights like this, to break me.
“My pillow isn’t working”
” What time is it?”
“He is breathing my air”
“She took my book”
They just kept coming, statement, request, statement, request.
Eventually they broke me. I was cooking. I had a wooden spoon in my hand.
I ran out shaking it, straight from the ’80s. ” Do you know what this is” I shrieked waving it in the air.
All three of them were on the stairs at this stage.
“Eh yeah” was the reply
“Do you know what I am going to do with it” I shrieked
( I realise I am not covering myself in glory with the retelling of this, I was not actually going to hit them with the spoon, just to clarify, I just thought the sight of it would automatically make them rethink their actions)
“Stir us” piped up the boy
“Cook us” asked the big girl
The small girl just rolled her eyes and walked back upstairs.
They had no idea what I was implying with my scary face and the waving of the wooden spoon. I decided against explaining why they were meant to have the fear of it. Nobody likes a story of violence against children before bedtime. Obviously its great the kids have no fear of being beaten. Obviously. I mean it would’ve been handy, tonight, if they just automatically knew when the wooden spoon is mentioned, mammy means business, like we did as kids and to stop misbehaving, but they don’t. Good. Great. I can see that now, now that they are asleep and the house is quiet.
Anyway I put the spoon down, brought them to bed, they fell asleep eventually. My dinner was overcooked. The wooden spoon is in the dishwasher, I’ll just keep using it for stirring purposes only. I’ll get a reward chart or similar tomorrow probably better than threatening them with household utensils……….