I am on a quest to make my life easier. With this in mind I am banning the following from my home with immediate effect. This list is by no means final and all suggestions for additions will be gratefully accepted.
1.Glitter- Yes its pretty and very appealing if you are small but once it comes into the house it never leaves. Glitter on the walls, in hair, on the floor, on the furniture, it never leaves ever. It is resistant to hoovers, brushes, clothes, it is omnipotent.
2. Miniature Cereal Multi-Boxes- A cheap marketing ploy but one I fall victim too regularly in the search to find a cereal all three of my children will eat and usually just to keep the children quiet whilst food shopping. There is only one and at a push two cereals that will be eaten. All three children want the “special” one which results in many arguments amongst them and the remainder being left in the press, never to be eaten and thrown out in one of the bi-decade press cleaning exercises when its expiry date is three years past. No more.
3.Dolls that come with accessories. I have no more time left to give to forcing heels onto Moxie Girls and Barbies. I spent 40 minutes yesterday trying to locate Cinderella’s second evening glove. I don’t have time to accessorize myself, this is why. Dolls can have clothes, that it is. No more accessories.
4.Frubes- You know the yogurt tubes. The tab on at least every second one doesn’t work so you end up ripping the top off which results in the hole being too big and yogurt on clothes, floor, ceiling. What remains is mouthful of yogurt. No more.
5.Gloves- Putting gloves on a small child can take up to ten minutes. Maybe its just my kids who can’t grasp the concept of fingers go into individual places, one by one, but I can no longer spend ten minutes every morning, explaining this concept. Mittens they are have no problem with and will therefore be allowed stay.
6.Play dough- I can get over the fact it goes everywhere what I can no longer get over is my children eating it. I don’t even blame them, there is something about play dough that makes you want to put it into your mouth. If it’s not here, it can’t be eaten and I will no longer have to pick bright blue play dough from the kids teeth.
7.Colourful Socks- From now on there will only be white or navy/black socks bought. No character socks, no striped ones, no coloured ones. They go missing, my weird kids have issues with odd socks, from now on only white or dark socks will live in our home.
8.Instant Noodles- Cheap and quick food and one of very few things the boy eats. However noodles are similar to glitter, they also go everywhere and stick and don’t come off the floor, table, chair, ceiling. I read something last week about just how bad they are for you too which gave me the final push to eradicate their presence from our house.
9. Novelty Glasses and Cups- They never work after a day, they leak, they cause arguments, they are evil.
10. A Motorbike and a Dinosaur Book – I will admit, I have a small bit of guilt about this one so I may hide them rather than throw them out. When reading bedtime stories I like books that can be read reasonably quickly and with words that are easily pronounced. These books do not fit the bill. Despite reading it at least 507 times the words Kawasaki and Moto Guzzi are still hard to read and I still cannot answer the many many questions about them. The dinosaur book with full names of every dinosaur that ever walked the earth is also being hidden. I can’t read the words Rebbacchisaurus and Dromaesaurus repeatedly at 8pm after a long day and getting constantly pulled up on pronunciation anymore.
The following are hanging on by a thread before making the banned list and only because I am not that mean and would like my children to have a childhood that does not resemble a childhood from a Charles Dickens novel.
- Connect 4.
- Actually all the board games.
- In fact their entire playroom.
- All foods that create mess.
- Barbie movies- ( make my eyes bleed)
- Character bed covers.
- Bath toys. Removing them from bath when I want to have a bath takes too long.
- Cbeebies- the entire channel.
What did I forget? What needs to go on the forbidden list – part two?