I appreciate this list is heavily stereotypical and gender biased. None the less I will fire ahead anyway. My husband has never ever done any of these things. I just made them all up in my head……..
- A woman can mention many times how they do not like Valentines Day.They can even write a blog post about the reality of Valentines Day when you are married, they still expect a Valentines Day card. A handmade card will suffice. If you live in a house with children ,chances are there are hundreds of crayons/markers/paints/colouring pencils and paper at your disposal. The same rule applies to Birthdays.
- If you ask your wife “Would you like anything in the shop?” and her reply is “oh…..mmmmmmmm….I don’t know…..I probably shouldn’t” Then you should bring something . You should not come back with nothing for her. If her reply is “a surprise”. You should also bring back something . Nothing is not a good surprise.
- If you wife asks you “did you hear that noise?” when you are fast asleep at 3am in the morning, everybody will sleep better if your reply is “No I didn’t but I will immediately get up and check every room of the house to be sure”. Saying nothing, grunting or saying “No” is not the correct answer in this scenario.
- In the middle of an argument it is not best practise to leave the house to clear your head. It is better to stay and finish the argument so it can be done with quicker.
- Men and Women have different ideas of what nagging is. Simply asking a man 7 times are they sure they have done something is not nagging, it is the sign of a conscientious wife. Men should realise this.
- Sometimes women are fully capable of using the remote control all by themselves. It is possible for men to relinquish it from their grasp.
- Never ever call your wife the wrong name. Although If you absolutely have to, use a name of a woman who is not an ex,neighbour, friend, colleague. That makes it possible to get over quicker.
- If you do call your wife the wrong name, the excuse of “I couldn’t remember your name” isn’t a great one.
- Calling your wife the wrong name in bed is probably never forgivable.
- Never ever ask your wife has she seen your shirt/trousers/sports gear etc. This implies your wife is fully responsible for the laundry and upkeep of your clothes. Even if your wife does the majority of the laundry, you should still never ask this question. You are clearly regressing back in time because the only occasion on which it is acceptable for a male to ask a female this question, is a small boy asking his mother. Do not confuse your wife with your mother. You are a grown man.
- If your wife cannot find anything to wear, you are probably best to leave the house. Quickly. You can not give the correct answer or opinion in this scenario. This situation is in fact Mission Impossible. Leave.
- Nobody can ever win the “Sleep Wars” – Life with small children is exhausting. It doesn’t matter who does what, everybody is tired. Although there is strong scientific based evidence somewhere that mothers should get more sleep in’s. Fact ( ish).
- There is never ever any point in starting conversations with “If this was the olden days”. Pointless. It is not the olden days. We have no way of knowing if life was indeed easier for men in the “olden days”. The end. However, If you think working longer hours, spending less time with your children and having a shorter life expectancy is easier ,maybe you are right and you would have been happier had you been born 80 years earlier.
- It is ok for your wife to drive if you are out together. It is no reflection on the size of your manhood.
I hope this clears up some commonly misconstrued ideas and scenarios………
Have you anything to add to the list?
If you get home from work, look around & ask “what exactly have you been doing all day?” – you should just turn around, walk back out and pretend you were a figment of her imagination. Don’t return unless it’s with something expensive or a babysitter.
Wives are not like buses. They are not easy to attain. Treat your wife like a rusty old car and don’t maintain her then she will languish & die inside. At the very least *pretend* she is the most precious thing you will ever get a chance to be close to. Make sure she feels like she is precious regularly. She will in turn treat you more like royalty unless she is a loon.
If you are snoring, it is your fault. If she is snoring, it is your fault. If she kicks you to stop snoring, apologise for snoring but don’t give out that she kicked you. Nuff said.
Cathartic…..
Excellent points.
It does make you feel better writing it out doesn’t it
If your wife asks you to “put the bedding in the washing machine”, she usually expects you to also add Persil and turn it on, not just put it in the machine. (Happened just this morning and not for the first time!)
A concise list that should definitely be noted. Particularly points 1 and 12. I also love Caitriona’s points above and think they’re probably more relevant in this house (especially the snoring one) although luckily my husband already understands this…
Sorting the laundry does not mean firing anything you think may require ironing on the ironing pile and shoving everything else into the hotpress in a large tangled mess…
When you ask you husband does he fancy anything in particular for dinner, suggest something, It is hard to think up something yummy every night of the week!
Perhaps this list should be issued to all prospective husbands when the banns are taken to the registrar. Life might have been better and less fraught in many a household had that been the case.
Oh I love this! Re: No. 12. Yes there can be! The mother wins hands down!!!!!!!!! Sleep. Do. Not. Get. Me. Started!!!!! I have kicked my husband in a bid to wake him up, when I was crying with depression to help me in the middle of the night with a child who woke every two hours to be breastfed. And then was up for the day at 5am. The next child was the same!! I am still resentful and very very upset about this time. can you tell????? Also, if I were to add anything to the list. Explaining how things “are” does NOT solve the problem. Yes, I may be due my period, but that is NOT why I am tired, lonely, stressed and over whelmed a lot of the time. Thank you. The end.
When you have had a full night’s sleep in the spare room while your wife has tended to a waking baby all night, do not use either of the following phrases:
“I’m so tired”
“It’s nearly worse when you’ve slept well, isn’t it?”
By the way, the answer to that second one is “no”.
I shouldn’t like this but…actually scratch that…sorry…what was that? I can’t quite hear you…
If your wife is trying to hang the washing, cook the dinner and finish a work assignment simultaneously and so asks you to go and see what the toddler is crying about – do not huff and puff and say ‘well what would you do if you were a single mum?’
Do not point out when you have brushed the kitchen floor or washed the dishes and wait for your wife to lavish you with thanks and praise. If your wife did this every time she did a household task you would never be able to leave the room.
I could go on and on and on and….why didn’t I think of this post?
If your wife is about to wash the dishes after dinner, do not generously offer “Ah sit down and leave those, I’ll do them before I go to bed”, and then promptly forget all about your kind offer and leave her to wake up to a sink full of dirty dishes while you’ve skipped off to work.
If the laundry basket is overflowing, the appropriate response is to put on a wash – not start a new pile of dirty clothes on the floor beside the laundry basket.
(I have a feeling this post will soon be “100 things husbands should know”!