Sex In The Garden

For those not in Ireland we are currently in the middle of a heat wave. None of us can remember experiencing heat like it. Love nor money will not get you a paddling pool or bbq in an Irish shop at the minute. We will probably run out of ice cream and water in the coming days.  It is hot, hot, hot and some people are getting hotter…………

sunshine

People find this blog through a number of ways. Every now and then I look through the search terms that brought people to the blog via Google. They are usually parenting related. A couple of months ago I wrote about pigeons having sex in my garden and since then every day the sun has shined the search terms “sex in the garden” or “can I have sex in the garden” has brought scores of people to this blog.  How disappointed they must be to find some ramblings about the sexual practise of wood pigeons. So lovers of the great outdoors this post is for you. A public service post for horny but conscientious people for whom BBQ food, ice cream and paddling pools in the garden just aren’t enough this Summer.

Things To Consider Before Having Sex In The Garden

Are you an adult and do you have another consenting adult to have sex with?
Do you live in a rural area or an urban area? If rural and no other houses around, I suppose the answer is go for it. Watch out for passer-byes, pets, thorns etc though. Oh and sun cream, don’t forget your factor 50, chances are there will be some body parts exposed to the sun for the first time and these are parts that sunburn would be especially sore.

sunscrn

I suspect though its urban dwellers who are Googling is it ok to go for it outside. I have actually taken the time out of my day to research this and there is some debate on this topic. Some claim  you can do what you want on private property, others claim there is substantial risk of being charged with a breach of public order  - your claim of its my property I can do what I want may not be enough for a judge. Do you really want to be that person charged a breach of public order or indecent exposure  with  think of your name, address and possible photograph and details of your offence in your local newspaper. Still horny? No didn’t think so.

So legally its a gray enough area it seems. Lets just stick to the practicalities so

  • Is your garden overlooked by other houses? If your neighbours can see your garden from their window, probably best to pass.
  • Can people walking past your home see into your garden? If so, probably best to pass.
  • Is there a big trees and/or a large wall separating your garden from your neighbour’s garden? If not, probably best to pass.
  • Do you share your home with other people who are likely to walk into garden ? If so , probably best to pass.

I admire the level of commitment and preparation and effort of those who Google is it ok to have sex in a location before the sex actually occurs. A general rule of thumb though – if you need to Google to check it probably isn’t. Another general tip- spontaneity is generally best when it comes to sex . Spontaneity  and less Google.

google

If after all this you still feel the need you could probably wait till the dead of night on a weeknight, maybe 3am or so but I will refer you to my tip on spontaneity above. If you are still determined to be a true lover of the great outdoors  maybe think about the neighbour’s and consider the shed.

shed

This public service notice was brought to you by somebody who has a garden that only sees action from pigeons.

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About The Clothesline

30 +, Husband, two little girls, one little boy, one dog. Overdrawn, overtired, overemotional and overwhelmed most of the time.
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11 Responses to Sex In The Garden

  1. emily says:

    Awwww. Very disappointed. Thought I might see pictures of rumps and whatnot.

  2. Wrong site- sorry lovely :)

  3. Well, it looks like things really HAVE heated up in Ireland!

  4. Maud says:

    Hilarious. You are so considerate to your random Googlers.

  5. office mum says:

    Love it. You will be putting ideas in people’s heads.

  6. LOL! And here I thought that I was the only one who bothered to check the search terms.

  7. Love this! I wonder how many Googlers will read your sage-like advice and just go ahead anyway? :)

  8. SusieChopstick says:

    Ahhh yes… spontaneity in the summer garden. I remember one day, amidst the flapping sheets on the line, when we were but six months married….

    *sound of a record scratch*

    Laundry? It’s raining! Quick! Get the sheets in!

    In a small digression, I’ve been trying to log into the clothesline store. I can’t. Other people seem to be having the same problem. Have I missed something?

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