One Moment In Time

Give me one moment in time
When I’m more than I thought I could be
When all of my dreams are a heartbeat away
And the answers are all up to me
Give me one moment in time
When I’m racing with destiny
Then in that one moment of time
I will feel
I will feel eternity

Whitney Houston, One Moment In Time

 

 

The new one is 9 months old. She thinks she is 4. Anything her siblings do, she thinks she should be able to do.

This is her heartbroken and screaming abuse last week as her brother and sisters played on the swings in the garden as she watched strapped into her high chair. I know, mean but she seemed to be enraged and entertained in equal measures.

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Yesterday the older three were at a birthday party. The new one obviously felt she should be at the party too. I let her play at the very edge of the soft play area. She was rocking around on all fours, thinking she was fully involved and I was also on all on the ground of a soft play area full of excitable 5-7  year olds, surviving. All was fine.

Then I looked up and saw a giant purple space hopper bounce off the ground, gain momentum and come barrelling towards my very small baby. Everything slowed down. Other parents ( who I didn’t know) could see what was about to happen. I leaned , I stretched, I punched the space hopper and slipped to the ground almost freeing my boobs from their ill-fitting bra in the process. The ball bounced away, the baby carried on oblivious and I exhaled………One Moment In Time started playing in my head.

Packie Bonner in Italia 90 had nothing on me. Although both the save and the emotion, similar, I’d say.

 

I could see myself on the olympic podium, Amhran na bhFiann playing as the tricolour was raised. It was momentous. Me wiping a tear subtly from my eye and thumping my chest with pride.  This is how good me saving my child from serious injury from a space hopper was in my mind. Nobody else seemed to think so. The play centre activity continued as normal, nobody jumped to their feet to give me a standing ovation, nobody even noticed really, just me. I told the kids all about it on the way home, they couldn’t have given two flying fiddlers. I am possibly developing Walter Mitty type tendencies which is somewhat worrying but really it was an incredible save.

 

 

Does anybody else hear a soundtrack in their head at times? Please say yes. 

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A Tale of Tiger Love

 

Right, I could moan and complain here because the universe has been firing all levels of horribleness at me the last couple of weeks but I am not going to. I am going to tell you a tale of great joy instead. A tale of my love for Tiger Stores.

 

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Kitchen utensils, art and craft supplies,candles, present fillers all to be found in abundance and cheaply in Tiger but its the little things you don’t realise you need that bring the joy. I present my top three Tiger purchases:

Number one: The Love Heart Dish

 

heart dish

This love heart dish. I have three of them. I lovingly bought them for my children and then lovingly prepared a type of cottage pie from scratch and cooked them in individual heart-shaped dishes. Only 1/3 of the children ate them and that was about two months ago. I mostly serve shop bought treats in them now. It doesn’t matter though. I still feel smug as I hand my children their snacks in their love heart dishes. These make me feel like an incredible parent.

Number two: Jesus and Our Lady On A Pen

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These pens have brought me more joy than I ever imagined pens could bring. Incredible. I bought them to write my Christmas cards with. I didn’t get around to writing my Christmas cards but I lovingly write lists and notes and Jesus and Our Lady pen usage makes me happy. However, I have learnt, they are probably best used at home. I was in the tax office a couple of weeks ago. Which resembled the 7th circle of hell, the queuing system nearly made me burst a blood vessel in my eyes from rolling them so hard. Anyway whilst in the queue a man walked up to the woman behind me and asked could he borrow her pen and she refused and told him it was her pen. I was aghast and also wildly entertained as I had been queuing for a while. He explained he just needed to sign a form and she clutched her , I might add cheapo bic biro, and hollered “NO It’s my pen”. This woman was being really fucking weird about her pen. I don’t know if she was just rude,  didn’t like  the man or just really loved her pen but she wasn’t handing it over. The man looked mortified. I decided to step in and save the day. “I have a pen” I roared giving the bic pen owner a filthy look.

Now I carry many pens in my bag at all times but I was in the never-ending hell queue carrying a wiggling baby so instead of whipping out a normal pen, Jesus came out. I saw it in my hand and realised it was the wrong pen and this wasn’t the time to bring Jesus to the party but it was too late. I had made such a production of offering a pen, I had to hand it over. The man looked horrified by Jesus on a pen, the women with her crap bic biro looked more horrified and I ended up looking like the weirdo. Anyway, bar that blip, the pens continue to bring me a huge amount of happiness.

our ladt

I prefer Jesus, but this one is pretty lovely too.

 

Number Three: The Edith Piaf Rubber/Eraser.

Finally, this. Have you even seen a better rubber/eraser? I doubt it.

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Every night  at homework time, there is an epic search and rescue mission to find a rubber. EVERY NIGHT. For years now. This mission generally takes longer than the homework does. No more. Now we have a huge pink rubber emblazoned with the immortal words of Edith Piaf “Non, Je ne regrette rien”.

Channelling Edith helps me get through homework, try it.

Channelling Edith helps me get through homework, try it.

The rubber lives on my desk and is placed back there after each use. It is too big to get lost. As well as being a very useful homework tool it has also introduced my children to Edith Piaf and they can now sing, badly, No Regrets. We all join in and sing in bad French accents, I find it the perfect anthem for my exhausted state at 7pm on a school evening. They don’t ask for the rubber, they say “Where is Non, Je ne regrette rien?” Again, in bad French accents. It WRECKS the husbands head. I love it.

Action Piaf Shot

Action Piaf Shot

I feel my life has improved immensely since Tiger Stores graced our shores. If you don’t live near one, you should consider moving or at the very least plan a trip to one soon.

 

 

 

 

 

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School Coat Recommendation – Cotswold Outdoor Review.

School coats. I have been on the search for ideal ones for almost five years. Some of the complaints over the years from the children have been, in no particular order, too big, too scratchy, too cold, too warm, too the same as other people’s, too many zips……….the list goes on. My basic requirements are water resistant, warm, easy to close, easy really you would think, not so much in reality.

My eldest daughter has a stunning array of coats, faux fur, shiny, understated, OTT. All the coats. The boy goes through coats at an alarming rate, he rips them, he loses them, he rolls around in them, he detaches hoods and flings them away.  So I am an experienced child’s coat shopper but until recently the perfect school coat had continued to evade me.

Then along came Cotswold Outdoor, the school coat fairy godmother, if you will and asked me would I like to review one or two of their products. I spent a long time going through their website, its huge, so many products and as I am not the outdoorsy type ( mild understatement) I felt like an explorer in new lands. Maybe it’s just me but I never thought of looking further than the normal clothes shops I shop for the kids in for outdoor wear for the kids, which was pretty foolish really in hindsight.

A couple of days later, their coats arrived. I chose two Columbia Powder Lite Puffa’s which retail at €44 per coat.

cotswold one cotswold two

Nice aren’t they?

Well they have been worn daily since they arrived so result. I really like that they are very warm without being bulky, the hoods stay up and I have washed the boy’s one three times and its like new. My children wear uniforms some days to school and tracksuits others, I like that these coats can be worn with both.Both of them wear the coats daily, they chose them over their other coats at weekends.  I asked the children for their  verdicts:

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My daughter aged 8 ” I really like the pink stripe, the pockets are really warm and the coat feels toasty”

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My son, aged almost 7 “ I like the zip and the pockets and the hood and its warm” He did have one negative “There is no decorations on it though”. He didn’t elaborate on what type of decoration he requires in a coat but this is the only time he has ever mentioned this issue.

 

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Cotswold Outdoor stock over 250 brands of sportwear, outdoor wear, shoes and equipment. They regularly have sales and offers and delivery to Ireland is free for orders over €49. I found their delivery times and customer service excellent and both myself and two of my children would highly recommend the Columbia Puffa’s. If you are on the lookout for a school jacket or indeed any outdoor wear, do check them out.

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www.cotswoldoutdoor.com

 

 

I received both coats for review purposes. I was not paid for this review and as always, all opinions are my own.

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Hobbies Of An 8 Month Old

Things my 8.5 month old currently enjoys:

Trying to throw herself off bed/sofa/chair.

2am.3.11am. 4.42am.

A good long lie in on school mornings when it is necessary for her to be awake.

Sleeping on her stomach, face down for extra fear inducing points.

Biting with all her brand new shiny teeth.

Feeding standing up  on my lap and bouncing up and down whilst attached to boob.

Perfecting the skill of mini pinches to the general boob area with tiny scratchy nails. Bonus points when she draws blood.

Fake choking.

Changing her food preferences daily sometimes even hourly. One day raisins bring such joy, others they bring a look of  such impressive disgust for one so young.

A keen desire and dogged determination to taste coffee.

Sitting in her high chair and flinging toys, kitchen utensils, cups to the ground and waiting for me to pick them up. My current high score is picking up 57 items whilst trying to cook a dinner. Its the game that doesn’t grow old.

Screeching. Ear piercing screeching, just for the lolz.

Not sitting down.

Throwing the one brand of soother that is acceptable to her away as regularly as possible.

Taking a nap at times where it is impossible for anyone to nap or enjoy a quiet cup of coffee for example the school run, when I am driving, during meal times- all firm favourites.

Me sleeping at the very very very edge of the bed.

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Misery Loves Company

 

January-2015-Calendar-Federal-Holidays-1

I don’t hate January as much as I should. I don’t enjoy being cold, poor, drowning in toys, getting up in the dark or the general bleakness that January excels in but I don’t hate it. I take solace in the fact that most people are miserable in January and this makes me happy.

I don’t even mind the horrible weather. I was walking up the hill to the school in the sleety shitty rain for the third time yesterday, I stood in slushy mulchy crap, my nose was freezing and the rain was beating down into my eyeballs and this suited me. The weather matched my mood. I may have even sung Let the storm rage on, out loud ( don’t blame me if the song is back in your head, Frozen isn’t gone away and every time it snows from now to eternity Do you want to build a snowman will pop into your head, you need to accept it).

I did  consider trying to be  more healthy it being January like every other sucker in the world a few weeks ago but on day one I spent so much time thinking about food and food I shouldn’t be eating that day that I ended up eating twice what I would normally eat so that didn’t work out. I spent the next day googling does health insurance cover gastric bands? It seems an easier option.  However, the shop at the end of my road sold out of cadbury’s creme eggs in the first week of January so again this makes me happy I am not alone in my January gluttony/ comfort eating.

Even my dog is getting in on the act. The dog likes to go for walks, it’s his favourite thing, what with being a dog and that. The other night the Husband went out with two children and one dog. After one lap, the children returned frozen and miserable. Two minutes later we heard a noise at the door and the dog was sitting on the step, he had turned around halfway through his usual walk and brought himself home, he was collapsed on the doorstep if he could’ve said Fuck that, he would have. The husband returned frantic five minutes later panicking that the  dog had run away not realising that in fact the dog had just succumbed to January.

Everyone is miserable, everyone is broke. Even the people who are sticking to their healthy resolutions  juicing and running in the dark and rain and the people who have money to buy their christmas presents  and decorations in the January sales for next year, sure it will pay off for them, eventually, but right now they are getting no joy from brand new things  hidden for a year or from their new improved bodies because they are hidden under layers of clothes because its so fucking cold so they are miserable too. Everyone is, don’t tell me different. You can tell me about your excessive electricity bills though or the useless shit you bought in the run up to Christmas or in the sales, that you regret. That is acceptable January conversation.

We’re halfway through the month and it will be all “sure there’s a grand stretch in the evening” in no time. Keep on trucking.

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9 Gift Ideas For Your Man For Christmas

The Clothesline:

I am reposting this in case anyone needs some last minute gift ideas for the man in their life. Merry Christmas.

Originally posted on At The Clothesline:

The key to all of these suggestions is you must keep a straight face when presenting the gift to your beloved.

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1. A t-shirt with your face on it. Easily done online. Better still your face in a love heart on the t-shirt.

2. A homemade book of hug tokens because what man does not love hugs? Especially at the times when the  tokens suggest , for example, At night when he trying to sleep. First thing in the morning. Outside his place of work. In his place of work. During key sporting events. The possibilities are endless.

3. A voucher for dance classes for both of you to enjoy together.  ( No need to actually buy a voucher, a fake one could be easily made up) You can be original with this , no need to stick to ball room dancing , why not go with Interpretive Dance For Couples – analyse…

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Whinging and Weaning

My laptop has been broken and so has my sleep. The last six or seven weeks of my life can be summed up with the word meh.

Six months post baby and everything just went wobbly. My hair fell out. Loads of it. Ridiculous amounts and the hair that stayed turned to straw.Spots. Craziness. All of it. The worst part of all this is losing my ability to sleep, this kicked in, rather nicely, just as I hit that bone tired exhaustedness that happens after months of broken sleep that is life with a small baby. Then she started sleeping  and I stopped. Anxiety then started kicking in because what else do you do at 1am in a quiet house but imagine all the ways you can die and think about how your children will miss having a mother. Then I had to start blocking out the proper dark scary thoughts and just have some general worries in the middle of the night about stupid things that are out of my hands and that’s killed  a good few hours in the middle of the night. See? I have been a real cheerpy motherfucker.

Anyway it’s December now and Christmas , some reckless online shopping, some mild chemical assistance with sleeping and all the crazy busy that is the build up to Christmas means I am sleeping slightly better now and I am fine again. My hair has stopped falling out and I have some rather wonderful hair regrowth too. I have everything crossed that locks will be the big look of 2015 because I am currently sporting some marvellous ones along with some baby hair  fringe along my hairline.

Locks like Elvis. Going to be HUGE in 2015 . You heard it here first.

Locks like Elvis. Going to be HUGE in 2015 . You heard it here first.

My lack of sleep has also resulted in me cracking how one of lifes great mysteries happen……..Mom hair. It happens because you reach a level after having a number of children and your hair just gives up and you realise that’s it. Long hair is no longer a possibility. I am getting Mom hair once I can get a hair appointment. Hard to do in December at a time when you can get someone to take all your kids too but I am optimistic it will happen some time this week. I might get a tint or something instead of highlights to get fully on board with the Mom haircut I am planning. I have made my peace with it.

Also I worked out that eating everything, exhaustion makes me eat more than normal, also doesn’t make you feel great but I am not going to worry about that till next month. Everyone feels fat in January and I will have company. Be grand.

The husband walked past me a few weeks ago and stopped and told me I smelled lovely. It was head lice lotion he could smell. That about sums me up at the minute.

In other news, the new child is flying. Getting big. Loves Britney, she dances. She started eating last month. Jesus its a pain in the hole having to shop and cook for another person but she’s seriously into it.

I WILL DO IT MYSELF

I WILL DO IT MYSELF

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She is crying here because I moved her breadstick to her other hand. She thought I stole it.

She is showing signs of being very determined and headstrong so that should be fun when she is a toddler. I think first sentence will definitely be I will do it myself or It’s Britney bitch. She’s great. Everyone is great so really I have fuck all to be lying awake at night worrying about. So I have stopped. I am decking the halls and  crying at nativity plays and buying ridiculous things on Amazon. Back to normal.

How are you?

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