How do you feel about cuddly toys? Probably the same way I do. They just gather dust and there are too many of them both in my house and in the world in general. I could try to blame this on my child or Amazon or Santa but it’s all my own fault.
So last November I let the then four-year old write a Santa letter for the new child as she was six months old and couldn’t write it herself. She asked Santa would he please bring her baby sister a walker activity yokey and a surprise and a giraffe called Jack. Random. So that was fine. Roll on a few weeks later and I w as SUCKED IN to Black Friday week on Amazon. Happily buying random useless crap because it had 75% off and up popped an upcoming deal of a giraffe. Serendipity. Wonderful. I was online, there was a giraffe. It was on my list. Ideal. There are no second chances with Black Friday shopping. I had 14 minutes to complete the transaction.
I looked at the picture, pressed buy now and was successful. The giraffe was mine. Then I looked at the second picture.
Yes that’s a toddler that the giraffe is towering over. I scrolled back and read the description and asked the husband what height 120cms was. He told me about to my shoulder, roughly 4 feet. Bollox. The conversation that took place when I explained that I had accidentally purchased a life-size baby giraffe was interesting………There was a good few “what the fuck is wrong with you?” thrown in.
Of course, he arrived in early December when all the kids where home in a box that was bigger than me and resembled a coffin. The UPS man looked at me like the fool that I am when I signed for it. The kids asked what it was and I explained it was for the neighbour. The packaging was plain. The eldest helpfully pointed out that our neighbour was in fact home so I immediately left with the box to drop “her” parcel in. The neighbour looked at me like the fool that I am.
That night, under the cover of darkness, the husband transported Jack in his coffin to his parents house to hide out there till Christmas. I can imagine the look he got from them probably one that conveyed what type of fool did you marry?
Then I started to worry that Jack would overshadow everyone else’s gifts so obviously had to go and buy more presents to over compensate in the true spirit of Christmas. Jack ,the bargain buy, ended up costing a ridiculous amount of money.
So roll on Christmas morning. Jack was standing proudly in the middle of the room waiting to be adored.
Turns out the seven month old hadn’t a notion what was happening on Christmas morning which isn’t really surprising considering she was seven months old.
Jack didn’t really raise an eyebrow from anyone. Even the dog wasn’t bothered by him. The kids thought he was cool then stepped around him to resume playing with their toys. Literally stepped around him. He takes up a fair bit of space. We thought maybe the baby was just overwhelmed but even a few days later she was still just not that interested in him. I would go as far as to say, she might have been sniggering at me not with me as I walked around with him trying to do giraffe sounds. ( If anyone knows what giraffe sounds sound like please let me know)
Jack took up too much space and now lives upstairs. He moves from room to room. Every time I walk into a bedroom and see him I jump. Every time he catches me by surprise and for a nanosecond I think there is a real animal standing in my kids room. Then I remember, it’s just Jack. He has proved to be good at one thing- me sitting on him and running around singing is guaranteed to make a small child laugh when they are in a bad mood, again at me, not with me.
He is currently residing beside the window in the eldest’s room. People walking past stop and take a second look. I saw a car slow down the other day to take a closer look. People think, on first glance, that he is real. He’s not though he is just a ridiculously big cuddly toy taking up a huge amount of space in an already cramped house. You’d think on my fourth child I would know better. In time she might grow to like him. Maybe. He is cute, ridiculously fucking big but cute.